she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
