it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
