That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
