Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
