Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
