I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
