Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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