I'm really into asian looking animals
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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