I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
