You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
