I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drunk is not a location!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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