I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
