turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
