i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
where are you?
Hypothermia
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
