Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
