Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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