so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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