i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
