You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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