Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
