I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
