Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
