this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
