HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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