I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
