tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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