We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
