somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
