even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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