So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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