My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize