I faked an abortion last night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
