the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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