Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
