fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
