Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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