I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
