I'm jealous of your bromance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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