if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
