she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
