I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
