just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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