Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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