Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
