We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
did i just pee glitter
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