Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
