I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
