i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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