i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize