you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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