Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
