when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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