just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
