this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
