is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
