You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
