I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
