Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
