I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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