Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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