we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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