She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
