How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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