we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize