We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
