Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
