I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
