Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize