The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
