if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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