Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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